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"Grow up," Sarah DiShon told her little brother. Chris pouted and flailed his arms and legs on the floor. All this because she had changed the channel from the "Scooby Doo Marathon" to "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."
"That's scary. I'm going to tell Mommy on you." He stuck out his tongue, the ultimate five-year- old insult, and scrunched his nose. "You can't watch that. You never let me watch my shows. I never get a turn. Baby!" A bit more flailing and mom's prized collection of hand cut Waterford and Baccarat crystal would be on the floor.
Mischa, fourteen and just two years younger than Sarah, snatched the remote control. "You watch Power Rangers and Batman. Buffy's not any scarier." Sticking out her tongue at Chris, she plopped onto their mother's pride and joy new couch with shoes on. Her cheerleading skirts hiked up her thighs.
Sarah rolled her eyes. Children. Why'd they take so long to grow up? She picked up Mischa's feet and dropped them to the floor. "Not on my watch you don't. Mom will kill me if you ruin her couch."
Mischa scowled and screwed her lips, but she did slide her shoes off, one at a time.
Just in the nick of time too, for they heard the door swing open then slam shut.
Sarah paled. No. Not another argument that had their mother in tears and their father glowering and yelling at them. If only there was some escape. A portal to another world. A time tunnel, anything.
The three of them froze, eyeing each other, afraid to be the first to test their parent's wrath. Someone was sure to get it and each hoped it wouldn't be them. Their dad tended to lash out at anyone when angered and mom was a pro at laying down guilt trips. Sarah wasn't sure which was worse.
"I'm not going to take this from you anymore, Jo Anne. This is it! See how well you do without your lazy bum, insensitive husband. I bet you lose this house in three months." Their dad stomped heavily on the stairs and something scraped and clanked. "Don't come to me when you run out of cash."
"Why do I need a husband like you, anyway? You're never here," their mom's voice rang bravely. "And when you are, you don't pay any attention to us. You're always doing your damned taxes."
Sarah didn't have to see her mom's face to know that it was tear-streaked and swollen, and Sarah could hear that she clung to her pride by a thread.
"Those damned taxes as you call them, have paid your bills all these years." He grabbed a picture off the wall and plunged it haphazardly into his suitcase.
"I've been working too, Kevin DiShon, selling real estate."
"Stop kidding yourself. That's a hobby. When's the last time you sold a house?" When she didn't answer, he laughed. "It's time to be accountable, Jo. Get a real job in the real world."
"And doing taxes, reading about taxes, talking about taxes all the time isn't a hobby? A boring hobby?"
"It's a living!" Disdain rang in their father's voice and something that sounded suspiciously close to hatred.
Sarah dabbed at the unwelcome tears welling in her eyes. A quick glance at Mischa confirmed that all of them would be crying tonight. But it was Chris' little quivering body, his glassy stare and trembling lips that tore her up. Crossing the living room, she scooped him into her arms and cradled him close to her chest. He was still just a baby. How dare they upset him so. "Shhh, slugger. Big sis is here."
Large brown eyes looked at her, so sad that her heart shattered. "You won't leave me too, will you?" Chris ventured.
Hot tears ran unchecked down her cheeks, winding a salty trail to her lips. She sniffled. "I won't desert you, little guy. I swear." Chubby little arms hugged her neck. His baby soft cheek rubbed against hers. How could her dad walk away from this? Throw them all away without a care?
"I want you out of this house and out of my life forever, do you hear me, Kevin DiShon?" Jo Anne screamed, bristling, her hands clenching and unclenching at her sides. "I wish I'd never laid eyes on you."
Mischa gasped and jumped when the door squeaked open.
"My pleasure!" Kevin yelled back.
Mischa sprinted for the door, her long blonde locks bouncing against her back. "Take me with you, Daddy! Don't leave me here."
Despite the fear gnawing at her, Sarah stood in the hallway murmuring soothing words to Chris, smoothing the hair off his forehead. She wanted to pull her sister back, save her from the inevitable heartbreak that would come when their father rejected her as she was sure he would despite her fervent prayers to the contrary.
"Mischa baby, stay," their mother implored, her arms outstretched, eyes red.
"Daddy?" Mischa's voice broke as she stepped toward him. "I want to be with you."
Kevin looked annoyed as he pushed lumpy, overstuffed bags through the door. "I can't take you with me. Your mother needs you."
Sarah put out a restraining hand on her sister's arm. "Don't go, Mischa." When Chris sobbed against her chest, wetting her blouse and quivering in her arms, she turned accusing, pained eyes on her father.
"Please stay, Daddy. We all need you." Mischa's voice came out in choked sobs, raspy and barely audible.
Warring emotions struggled over Kevin's features. Then he shot a look of hatred at Jo Anne that ripped Sarah's heart to shreds. "She won't let me stay. It'll be better this way. We'll talk soon, baby girl."
Sarah's older brother DJ strode up the path, his expression devoid of emotion, frame straight and tall. He looked everywhere but straight in her eyes. "Hi Sarah, Chris." He nodded almost imperceptibly, then stooped and grabbed his dad's suitcases and carried them to his little Saturn where his wife Stacey waited, her face wearing a curious expression.
Mischa whirled on her mother, her chest heaving. "It's your fault that he's leaving. Ask him to stay." Her blue eyes flashed fire, her chin high and haughty.
"I can't. I won't!" Jo Anne snapped, her voice tight and strained. She stood so straight and tall she looked ready to snap.
"What did he do?" The words tore from Sarah before she could stop them. A million questions whirled in her mind, colliding into one another with ferocious velocity.
Kevin glared at his wife without a trace of love.
Jo Anne stared back, her expression crumbling. "Get out!" she yelled and buried her face in her hands. "Leave us alone."
"Remember Jo, it's your choice."
"What choice? You give me no choice." Joanne wrenched her wedding ring off her finger and clutched it in a shaking hand. "I'd throw this in your face but I'll probably need to sell this to feed the children."
Sarah blanched. Whatever her father had done must have been pretty awful. Her mother was normally so level-headed. She gave her dad an accusing stare.
"What about your booming real estate career? To hear you talk, I thought you'd be rolling in dough." He turned away from her as if he couldn't stand the sight of her one more moment, then sighed and tweaked Chris' chin. "Be a good boy, slugger." Without looking back, he walked down the dimly lit path and into the autumn evening. Mischa screamed and ran after him to DJ's car, flinging herself into Kevin's arms. "Please take me with you, Daddy. I love you."
Chris clung to Sarah, almost choking her. Silent sobs wracked his body and she rubbed his back.
Kevin's strong fingers unlatched Mischa's hands. "I can't take you."
"Why not?" Mischa looked as if she were ready to fall at his feet.
Jo Anne walked up to her, put her arms around her and pulled her back. "Come on, baby girl. Let's go inside. You can talk to your father later when we've all calmed down."
"I need space," Kevin finally said, looking up at the sky. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "I need to get my head together. I have things to work out. I have problems you can't possibly understand."
Mustering her courage, Sarah said, "Your baby boy needs you. We need a father." Never had her voice held such steely conviction. Never had she felt so frightened. Fathers couldn't just walk out, could they? Fathers were supposed to love their kids and be there forever, no matter what. This couldn't be happening.
Kevin looked to DJ, the traitor who had come to whisk him away from his family. Then he turned and gave them all a last look. "I'm not much of a father right now. You'll be better off with me." He ducked into the back of DJ's car without another word.
"Daddy!" Mischa's cry was heart wrenching, curdling Sarah's blood. She pummeled the ground with her fists, her long hair curtaining her bent head. Her body shook with sobs.
DJ looked embarrassed and lost. Unsteady fingers raked through his already tousled white blonde hair. "Give him some time. He's hurting. I'll talk to you later, Mom." He slid his lanky frame behind the steering wheel and tore out of their driveway, spewing dust and pebbles behind him.
"Why is Daddy going? When is he coming back?" Chris' voice broke through Sarah's haze of pain and disbelief.
"I don't know. But I'm here. Mommy's here." It took every shred of courage, every ounce of Sarah's strength to stay calm for her brother. If she lost it now, he'd be more scared than he already was and she couldn't bear that on top of everything else. She adored the little boy even if he could be a major pain at times.
When Sarah went to hand Chris to their mother, Jo Anne choked back a sob and shook her head. Her short frosted curls bobbed around her heart-shaped face and her glasses looked foggy. "I don't feel well. I need to lie down. Will you put the baby to bed and bring me some sleeping pills?"
Sarah nodded, her heart shattered, tears clinging to the tips of her lashes. Mom looked a hundred times worse.
Mischa ran inside and bounded up the stairs to her room. She slammed the door, her sobs so loud they penetrated the wooden door.
Sarah sighed as she swiped away errant tears. She supposed she should stay with the baby tonight, anyway. After she got him to sleep, she gave a glass of water and the pills to her mother, and then curled up beside Chris, hoping she would sleep without nightmares.
"You look like garbage," Lauren Barrett said by way of greeting the next day at school, a smile lighting her perky face. As usual, Lauren's sleek black mane was perfectly styled. Not a single hair would dare be out of place. A light dusting of glitter highlighted her cheeks and eyelids.
It was all that Sarah could do not to snarl at her best friend. She hadn't wanted to come to school at all, but mom had insisted. First, she'd hidden all the sleeping pills and other medicine so her mom wouldn't find them. She was super worried about her mother' ultra-fragile state. She'd cried in her sleep; then cried when she woke. This was so unlike her, it was as if Jo Anne had morphed into another person that Sarah had never met before.
Lauren prodded her when Sarah remained uncharacteristically quiet. "What's wrong? Can't you tell me?"
Too many people filled the hall, too many curious ears. Sarah pulled her friend to a secluded corner. "Dad bailed out last night. Mom's a total wreck. Mischa is worse and I'm about to spew." As if to emphasize her point, her stomach rumbled loudly. Indigestion welled up in her chest and she felt like bolting out of school. She didn't feel like facing anybody. She couldn't deal with even the tiniest hassle.
Empathy welled in Lauren's expressive emerald eyes. "I'm so sorry." She pulled Sarah into a hug, stroking her hair in a hypnotic rhythm. "How can I help?"
The contact and warmth between them was a start. "Know any magic? Can you concoct a love potion? Oh, if only it could be so simple." A huge sigh escaped her and she closed her eyes in an unsuccessful attempt to shut out the image of her father's face as she slumped against the wall behind her. "Who am I kidding? Building a mountain with my hands would be easier."
"No magic spells. No love potions. And I'm not going to ruin my nails helping you build a mountain." Lauren's beautiful face screwed up in concern as her wry attempt at humor failed. She had led Sarah to the cafeteria.
The gag-me smell would have warned Sarah had she paid attention. Cafeteria food congealed under heat lamps. Today's choices boiled down to soy burgers, creamed spinach and fries bubbling in grease. Wilted garden salad with orange thingies that could have been carrots or alien eyeballs made her stomach mutiny and flipp over. That wasn't food; it was a hospital visit waiting to happen. It was a good thing that she wasn't particularly hungry, anyway.
Lauren tapped her tray insistently with a manicured nail. "You've gotta eat." She turned to the lunch lady with a large mole under her nose and her silvery-blue hair hidden by an ugly hair net. "My friend will have the hamburger platter."
Sarah pulled a face when Lauren put the vile food on her tray, wanting to vomit. "Yummy. Ecoli delight." When Lauren tsk-tsked and put an iced tea and a slice of sinfully caloric chocolate cake on Sarah's tray, Sarah wondered if Lauren planned to force-feed her, too, cutting up her food into baby- sized pieces. She eyed the conglomeration with distaste. She hadn't been able to eat since her father had left and she still wasn't hungry. She was afraid that if she took a bite, she'd barf it all up. She felt nauseated just smelling the stuff.
"Lets sit by Josie and Shelby." Lauren bee-lined for their friends' table and claimed the two empty seats at the end. Bubbly and effervescent, Lauren's smile brimmed over as she settled onto her regular seat. "Hi girls! What's up?"
"I got an A- on old Hazlerod's math test," Josie said in a sing-song voice. Short, dark brown hair bobbed around her square face, emphasizing high cheekbones. The girl-next door type, Josie didn't believe in using make-up or wearing fancy hairstyles, thus her face was devoid of color and her hair hung limply to her shoulders. But her hazel eyes blazed with intelligence.
Shelby, a ruddy red headed freckle-faced girl that looked about three years younger than her true age, scowled. Her hair clashed horribly with her hot pink blouse. Next to Lauren, who always made a high fashion statement, Shelby looked particularly gauche. "Brag, brag, brag. I almost failed it."
"I'm glad I wriggled out of her class." Lauren swiped her hand across her forehead mockingly, the motion making her silky hair sway. She winked at Sarah. "I hear she's impossible."
"She's not so bad." Josie twirled a strand of hair around her finger. She took a wad of grayish gum out of her mouth and stuck it on her plate.
Shelby glowered at Josie, scrunching her nose so that her freckles came together. "Not if you're a brain. For us normal people with IQs under 140 she's nightmare city." She turned curiously to Sarah. "You're never this quiet." When Sarah didn't respond and continued to push her food around the plate, Shelby asked, "Something eating you?"
Sarah nibbled at the slop and cringed. Pig-swill would be preferable. She debated whether to reveal her secret to anyone else. It was none of the school's business that her parents were breaking up. She didn't relish making this week's top-ten gossip list.
Lauren cleared her throat. "Her dad moved out."
Sarah wanted to choke her friend. Instead, she nudged Lauren's shin under the table. Inquiring minds would want more gritty details. Sighing deeply, she gave up the pretense at eating and pushed her tray away with a flick of her wrist.
Lauren mouthed, "I'm sorry. Idiot me."
"That's a bummer." Shelby said, looking glum. She stared off into the distance as if she didn't see anyone at the table. "My dad left when I was nine. After the divorce, he married his girlfriend. He has a new family now. There's no time for us." Her fingers mangled her napkin, shredding it. "You'd think we were the enemy the way his new wife and kids hate us. Why is that? We were first. She's the one who ruined everything."
Sarah's stomach grumbled so much that she felt like a boiling volcano. Tears of sympathy and self- pity welled in her eyes. Her chin started to wobble and she clenched her teeth. No way would she allow herself to cry at school, especially not in the lunchroom in front of the entire student body. She'd never live it down. Angrily, she brushed away an errant tear reining her emotions in tightly. "My dad doesn't have a girlfriend."
"He will." There was utter conviction in Shelby's voice. "How old's your dad? Forty? Fifty?"
Sarah nodded slowly. Her hair tickled her neck, making it itch. Her dad was getting up in years. "Almost forty-four."
"They hit middle age and they have to prove things." Josie spoke with the air of a scholar, her head bobbing with each word for emphasis. "It happens all the time. I saw this old movie with Bruce Dern and Ann Margaret, called Middle Age Crazy or something like that, and he left Ann because he got some silly itch. He was crazy. Can you imagine anyone leaving someone like her?" She took a slurp of her drink. "It's downright scary."
"I've hardly seen my dad since he split." Shelby rested her chin on her hand and sighed deeply. She chewed a piece of her hair as she did whenever she was distraught. "He spends all his time with his new wife and kids. He doesn't even remember that we're alive. I'm lucky if I get a birthday card every other year. As far as I'm concerned, he can keep his stupid cards. I don't want them."
Lauren elbowed Shelby in the ribs, her expression stormy. Her dark brown eyes flashed fire. "Cool it, will ya? You're upsetting Sarah," she whispered, barely moving her lips but Sarah managed to catch the words anyway.
"Ouch!" Shelby shrank from Lauren's glare. "What'd I do?"
Fear flooded Sarah and she shook her head. "My dad would never do that. He only left Mom. He didn't leave us." But her words rang hollow in her ears. Visions of Kevin prying Mischa's hands off him taunted her.
"Same difference," Shelby mumbled, pushing the food around on her plate now.
"For Heaven's sake! Enough's enough." Lauren slammed her drink on the table, splattering grape juice on Sarah's blouse and face.
Sarah dabbed at the sticky juice with her napkin, staring down at herself. Great! Her silk blouse would never be the same. The juice smeared when she tried to get it off.
"Way to go, Miss Grace." Shelby forked a mouthful of the disgusting spinach into her mouth.
Nausea bubbled up in Sarah's stomach. Another unwelcome vision, that of her father with his new faceless children, made her want to throw up. Who could think of food when her world was collapsing? Clutching her belly, she rose unsteadily to her feet, bumping the table. "Excuse me," was all she could manage as she sprinted for the girl's room on the south end of the cafeteria.
"Wait!" Lauren sprang from her chair, almost pushing her tray over the other side of the table. If not for Shelby's quick save, the food would have dumped in her lap.
Footsteps dogged Sarah, but she felt too wretched to care. If she slowed down, she'd thoroughly embarrass herself in front of the whole school. She'd never be able to show her face again. She slammed through the restroom door, racing for a private stall where she dropped to her knees and threw up.
Someone pounded on the door, but she couldn't turn even if she wanted to. She wasn't surprised when Lauren came in.
"Are you all right?" Lauren's shadow fell over her. She stroked her hair. "Can I get anything for you?"
"Arsenic?" The joke wasn't met with laughter. "Leave me alone to die in peace." Her voice came out in moans as indigestion attacked her all over again. Dry heaves wracked her body.
"I'm not leaving you like this." Lauren was adamant. "If you don't come out, I'm going for help."
That would be the ultimate disgrace. "No! Don't you dare tell anyone. I don't want anyone to see me like this." Dragging herself to her feet, she tried to pull herself together. Grabbing a handful of toilet paper, she wiped her mouth and blew her nose before opening the door.
"You look like a million." Lauren put her arm around Sarah's shoulder and guided her to the sink.
Sarah flinched when red-rimmed raccoon's eyes stared at her in the mirror. Mascara smeared around her eyes. When she saw her hair tangled all in rats and the juice stains on her blouse, she groaned. Lauren turned on the cold water. In a commanding voice, she said, "Scrub your face. Then we'll brush your hair."
Sarah nodded. The icy water felt refreshing even as it dripped from her chin to her blouse. Her mascara ran down her cheeks and she looked like Frankenstein's Bride.
The door opened and Shelby stuck her head in. "Is she okay?"
"I've got her. She'll be fine." Lauren rubbed Sarah's shoulders in a soothing massage. "Guard the door and don't let anyone in."
Shelby nodded mechanically and slipped out.
"I can't believe I lost it like that," Sarah mumbled with embarrassment. "They'll think I'm a total dufus."
"No they won't. Most of them have been where you're at. They'll understand."
"You mean they'll pity me." If that didn't sound morbid, nothing did. She might not be the coolest girl in school, but she didn't want to be an object of pity either. She sniffed back tears, straightened her five-foot- five frame and squared her shoulders. She scrubbed her face and reapplied mascara, then brushed her hair.
Lauren looked at her critically as if she were a model. "Still too pale. You look like a ghost." She dug around in her purse and pulled out a blood-red lipstick stick. Opening it she advanced on Sarah, wielding the lipstick like a sword.
Sarah inched back until she bumped into the sink, waving her hand before her. "That's not me." She preferred black. Black matched her mood.
"Stop whining and trust me." Before Sarah could dodge, Lauren applied the red wax to her lips. "There. You're gorgeous again."
Sarah turned and glanced in the mirror doubting her friend's words. She'd couldn't be gorgeous again if she'd never been gorgeous in the first place. "I look like a clown." She scowled at her reflection. Or a vampire. Before she could wipe it off, Lauren propelled her out the door.
"Chin up. Jesse Curtis is watching."
Jesse Curtis: super jock — and only the finest boy in school. Sarah nurtured a crush on him. Well, maybe it wasn't such a secret if Lauren knew. Not that he ever noticed her. He only noticed cheerleaders and the drill team squad, and the popular girls. That left her out — big time.
"Eyes forward." Lauren increased pressure on Sarah's elbow. "Chest out. Stand tall. Stay cool. Moxie up."
She'd fall flat on her face if she tried that. Through clenched teeth, Sarah said, "What are you? My drill instructor?"
"You're on display. Smile." Lauren's voice dripped with sugar and her hips sashayed more than usual.
Sarah's life was ending and her best friend wanted to parade her in front of everyone. Worse, it seemed that Lauren might have a crush on the same guy that Sarah did. "Let's get out of here." Gazes, a ton of them, followed her every move. They practically dissected her. What was she? The five-o'clock news?
"Trust me. Be cool. We'll stay a couple of minutes — then split. You won't be able to hold your head up tomorrow if you bail out now." Lauren walked between Sarah and the exit, blocking her way out.
Sarah sighed. Her friend was right. She had to do it. Even if she really wanted to call her dad to assure herself that Shelby was dead wrong. She promised herself that she would have a heart-to-heart talk with her dad that night. He'd tell her that everything was fine between them. Her nightmares would cease and maybe she could eat again.
When she resumed her place at the table, Shelby and Josie smiled at her. Across the room, Jessie Curtis caught her eye and nodded ever so slightly that she wondered if she had imagined it.
She'd waited an eternity to call her dad, giving him time to get home and eat so that he would be in a good mood. Her finger shook as she punched the numbers of his new apartment. A lump came up in her throat as she pictured him living in some hole in the wall. It was probably a one bedroom or even an efficiency, with bare white walls and ratty furniture. His refrigerator was probably bare. At best, he might have a loaf of bread, some cheap lunchmeat and soda. He'd starve without someone to cook for him. He wasn't very domestic.
The ringing of the phone dragged on. She was about to hang up when a female voice said, "Hola?"
She must have dialed wrong. "I'm sorry. I was trying to call Kevin DiShon."
"What do you want with Kevin?" the voice demanded in heavily accented Spanish.
Alarm skipped down Sarah's spine as she tried to block out Shelby's premonition that her father would find another woman. He wouldn't do so this soon, would he? "Is Kevin there?"
"Who's asking?" the voice grew petulant and unfriendly.
"Who are you?" Sarah's infamous bullheadedness set in. Who was this woman and why was she answering her dad's phone? She had a very bad feeling about this.
"Who is it, querido?" Her dad's voice drifted to her, muffled and with an entirely different tone of voice than he'd used with her or her mother the last time she'd seen him.
"Querido?" she murmured aloud. So Shelby was right? Bile rose in her throat and she wrapped her arm across her belly. The idea that her dad had a girlfriend so soon was totally vile.
"Some woman who won't tell me who she is. You have another girlfriend?"
Sarah was feeling ill. She replaced the receiver and curled into a fetal position on the bed. Rocking, she wished that she could lull herself to sleep so that she could forget everything. But she couldn't. Visions of her father with some nameless, faceless woman, tortured her. She gazed at the walls where her "Sailor Moon" and other fan art hung interspersed with Buffy and "Nsync" posters.
Bonzai, the family's old Sheltie, jumped on the bed and she rolled towards the edge. The dog curled against her. He stuck his long snout in her face and licked her lips and cheek with a sandpapery tongue. His breath was hot against her and smelled of onions and green beans. Not one of his strangest combinations. Mischa or Chris must have been feeding him under the table again when mom wasn't looking.
She snuggled close to him, gaining comfort from his warmth and his steady heartbeat and unswerving love and devotion. She rubbed her wet cheek against the top of his head. "At least you still love me, boy." She looked into his sloe brown eyes. "You won't get a new girlfriend and forget me, will you?"
His shaggy tail thumped against the bed. His long fur swagged her knees, tickling them. His mouth seemed to curl up around the ends.
"I'll take that as a yes." Wrapping both arms around him, she hugged him with all her might until he whimpered and she let go. She dropped an angel kiss on the top of his head. "I knew I could always count on you."
"Sarah! You in there?" Her mother's voice drifted to her as if on a cloud. She awoke from a fitful sleep, grateful to escape the nightmares she couldn't quite remember. Bonzai stretched his legs and yawned. A loud, high-pitched whine wheezed from his chest.
"Yeah." She rubbed balled-up fists against her eyes. Then with more enthusiasm, she said, "Yeah! I'm here." Brilliant reply — but that was the best she could do while still half asleep.
"Everything okay, hon? I haven't seen you all night." Jo Anne pushed the door open gently and stuck her head in. She was still dressed in her three-piece suit and high heels. She unknotted and pulled at the decorative silk scarf adorning her neck. Carefully, she folded it and stuck it in her suit pocket.
Sarah shifted to the edge of the mattress and swung her feet to the floor. How much should she say to her? Her mom seemed to be stable lately. Sarah had not heard her cry, or seen evidence of tears. But news of another woman in her father's life might throw her over the edge again. Things were hard enough on her mom being a single parent and making ends meet without that knowledge. In her job, clients drove her crazy, calling at all hours of the day and night. Yet money was so short it was almost invisible. Mom didn't need added stress right now. "I'm okay. Guess I was more tired than I knew."
The mattress depressed when Jo Anne sat down. A friendly arm was thrown around Sarah and she was pulled to her mother's side. She laid her head on her mom's shoulder, taking comfort.
"I know the problems your dad and I are having are affecting all you children. Probably you the most, being the oldest still at home. I hope you know how much I appreciate your help watching Chris and fixing meals when I have to work nights and weekends." Jo Anne squeezed her waist. "I couldn't work without knowing the kids are in your good hands."
Sarah chewed her bottom lip, tired of the heavy responsibility weighing her down but unable to tell her mother. "Daddy shouldn't have left us. And he should be paying you alimony and child support so that you wouldn't have to work so hard."
"That's sweet of you. But under the circumstances, I couldn't let him stay. Not that he wanted to..." Jo Anne paused and sighed. Her chin lifted and she glanced at the ceiling. A sheen of tears covered her eyes but not a single tear escaped. "He's supposed to pay those things, but I can't take a chance that he won't or that he'll be late making a payment. Besides, it's not enough."
Sarah lifted her head and stared at her mother. "What circumstances? Not enough for what?"
Jo Anne patted Sarah's hand resting on her knee. "I suppose it's best that you hear it from me and not from someone else." Twisting around, she turned to face her daughter. "Your dad's fallen in love with someone else. He wanted to be free so that he could be with her."
"But what about us?" Sarah couldn't stop the flood of words that burst out. "Christopher's just a little boy. He needs his daddy."
"I know. And you need him, too. But I can't force him to do something he doesn't want to." Jo Anne closed her eyes and breathed deeply for a few seconds. "I'm sure that he'll wake up and see what he's missing — what he's making you children miss."
"Mom?" Sarah's voice was hesitant. She wasn't sure if she should bring up her other concern. Yet, it niggled at her to be brought into the open.
"Mm?" Jo Anne's lips curved gently upward as she gazed at Sarah with overflowing love.
"I'm worried about Misch. She's not herself."
"None of us are right now. This is going to take time."
"But she's really upset. She's blaming you for making him leave."
"I know, sweetheart. She can't bring herself to see that he's not the knight in shining armor she's always imagined. It's dangerous when you put someone on a pedestal, even your parents. We're flesh and blood, too."
Gee. Mom sounds so calm tonight. Was this the same woman who'd needed the sleeping pills?
"Can you keep a special eye on her? I have a real bad feeling." Sarah prayed that she was wrong, but she didn't think so. Mischa tended to dive off the emotional deep end with little provocation. Throwing herself to the ground and pounding it with her fists didn't exactly show her to be in a stable state.
"You think she needs professional help?" Jo Anne quirked her brows above her glasses. "Do you feel the need for a family counselor? Or someone to talk to?"
"I'm handling it okay," Sarah lied. Well, she wasn't nearly the basket case Mischa had become. She wasn't likely to flip or do anything stupid. Now Misch, she wasn't sure about at all. She was a wild card and anything was possible. "Misch might need some help. She's not handling this well at all."
Jo Anne glanced at her watch. "It's only 8:15. The Family Counseling center is probably still open. Let me go call them and see if they can take us. I think they take fees on a sliding scale." She squeezed Sarah again before standing up. Looking down at her oldest daughter, she said, "You tell me if you feel you can't handle things on your own. Deal?"
Sarah nodded, feeling guilty about not telling her mom how sick she'd been at school. Or how she'd felt when her dad's girlfriend had answered the phone just an hour before. She'd handle it. She wouldn't do anything crazy. So what if she couldn't stomach eating? She needed to lose weight, anyway.
Regally, her mother glided down the hall, holding her head high and her back straight.
Visions of her dad's girlfriend kept bothering Sarah. She puttered around the room for awhile, tried playing some of her favorite CD's, tried studying for tests scheduled for the end of the week; but her mind kept drifting back to this new woman in her father's life and how it would affect her own relationship with him. Finally, she couldn't stand it any longer. She had to know more. She dialed the phone and hoped her brother would pick up.
"What d'ya want?" DJ's voice was sullen and defiant. He must've read the caller ID and didn't want to hear from anyone in their house.
"How about 'Hello little sister. How're you doing? How's Mom?'" She rubbed Bonzai's belly and his tongue lolled out. His paws twitched in the air. He loved the attention unlike her ice prince older brother. He'd never been very talkative, but he'd never been cold and distant like this.
"What d'ya want?"
Well, that worked perfectly. "I thought you might know how Dad is doing. We've not heard from him since he left."
Deep silence greeted her, except for the television in the background. She waited awhile, then prompted, "Is Dad all right?"
"He's doing well, considering..."
"Considering what?" She paced the floor, her feet shuffling through thick pile carpet. When she reached for her television, the static shocked her and she jerked back her hand. Agitated with her brother's lack of response, she twisted the long phone cord around her pinkie until she could no longer see it, unwound it, and then wound it up again.
"You know about his girlfriend?" DJ sounded as if he was divulging a state secret, or holding a gun to his head.
"Yeah." Acid rose in her chest. If she had any food in her belly, she'd vomit for sure. "I've heard..."
"You know about the baby?"
"Baby?" Shock punched her in the gut. Her knees buckled and she sank to the bed. The phone almost slipped from her fingers. "What baby?" She almost choked on the word baby. This couldn't be true. It couldn't be!
This time the silence was deafening. Muffled voices came from the background. Stacey's voice came in stage whispers. "Look, I think Dad should tell you about this."
"You tell me! What about a baby?"
"I've said too much already. Ask Dad."
"I'm asking you!"
Stacey's voice broke in on the extension phone, cold and menacing. "You're upsetting your brother. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop dragging him into the middle of your family feud. If you want to know something about your father, ask him." The line went dead.
Sarah stared at the phone for a long time before she threw it across the room. Some brother DJ was — in bed with the enemy! Was her father the enemy? It sure felt like it.
She'd never been so confused in her life. Everything she had accepted as gospel truth had turned out to be lies. She had been brought up to believe that her parents would always be her parents — that they would always be there for her, for all of them. She'd always thought that they were a family. But the family glue was peeling away in front of her. Pressure pushed at the back of her eyes and her temples throbbed. A baby? How could he? He'd barely been away for a month. Was a month long enough for his girlfriend to even know that she was pregnant? Unless...
No. The thought of her father being unfaithful to her mother for months, and maybe longer, was too horrid even to pursue. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't be. That meant he had been unfaithful to his entire family for a long time. He'd made fools of them all.